Monday, December 13, 2010

Uncomfortable appearances....

So it has gotten to the point that I don't want to go anywhere where people know me. Especially people that have known me for a long time, those who knew me back when I was thin..

I was recently told the story of one of my much younger cousins seeing a picture of me from when I was in college. And she was like "who is that?" My Aunt told her that it was me, and her response was "She was gorgeous.....what happened?".  This story pierced me to my core. I am I that unrecognizable..have a become so large that I am not at all who I was.

And so I worry constantly when amongst people who knew me "before", what are they thinking, are they are talking about me know, will they later, do they pity me, do I disgust them, are they disappointed in is so embarrassing...

I am so embarrassed and uncomfortable ....I just want to hide.

When I shared this revelation with my husband his response, well then just lose weight.

If only it were that easy...

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