Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Disappointing....isn't it!

I am a disappointment.

It seems that no matter what I do, where I go, what I choose I end up disappointing someone.

My weight issue is a disappointment to several members of my family, as I used to be so thin and pretty.

My choice to give up my career as an attorney to stay at home with my children is disappointing to my family as I am wasting my education.

My financial problems are disappointing to myself as well as those around me, as "I really should have it together by now"

My clutter and buying obsession is a disappointment to those around me (as well as myself) as I should be able to "just stop and get rid of stuff".

I was supposed to be thinner, I was supposed to be prettier, I was supposed to super career woman, I was supposed to be financially secure, I was supposed to be domestic and neat, I was supposed to be normal.

But it appears I am none of those things.....I am just a huge disappointment.

3 comments:

  1. WOW that's pretty powerful, try not to be so down on yourself - GOD made you the way he wanted you, your alive for a reason, don't let others get you down SMILE that's the best medicine and keep moving forward there is a light at the end of all tunnels CHEER UP ;o)

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  2. This may be a wee bit off topic, but the "should haves" are a problem in general in our society. We are never supposed to be satisfied because we can always be thinner, more attractive, more successful, wealthier, better parents/spouses/co-workers/children/community members, and more on top of things.

    By whose definition did you have it all before your life became what it is today? Go to another country and you'll be told that you need to fill out more and you'll be patted on the back for having children and leaving behind meaningless employment for the greater good of raising human beings.

    I totally get what you are feeling, all of which is very valid, but let's look at a couple of things. You say that you were an attorney, so apparently you DID put your education to good use. What is the minimum number of years that you are required to work as an attorney in order to validate your education? What about what it has done for you personally? I bet you do not fall for things that a lot of us do because you have a much better understanding of how things work in the country.

    You are a mom now. This is probably something you've wanted to be as well. Where is the congrats for focusing on that? There are so many parents who would give their right arms to be able to stay home with their children. You've said that you'll go back to work once they are in school, so really you are sacrificing a part of yourself (your career) for a greater good. It's disheartening that anyone at all would tell you that you're wrong for making this choice. What would they say if you put them in 10-hour-a-day daycare for the sake of getting as much as you could out of your education? They probably wouldn't like that either.

    It's notable that much of what you wrote has to do with other people's opinions of your life. What about your opinion? Remove their words from your head, let go of what you think you should be doing instead or where your life "should" be right now. Life imagined always runs more smoothly and with fewer struggles than life actually.

    Besides, if you keep focusing on what's wrong, what you don't have, and where you should be, then you're going to miss out on what you have now, and I guarantee that in a few years you'll be saying the same things you are now.

    For the record, this is all stuff I'm working on too. I'm doing my best to live in the moment (responsibly of course) because all I do is focus on what I don't have and what is "wrong" with me and/or my life. It's hard to do but so worth it. Hang in there.

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  3. Don't be so hard on yourself! We all feel this way sometimes, but don't let it get you down. You're beautiful the way you are and it shouldn't matter what your family or anyone else thinks of the way you look, as long as you like it. :)

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