Bogged down by stuff...

There is so much I want to do...start my own business, go back to painting, scrapbook, write a book, and the list goes on....but I feel like I am at a stand still. The "stuff" in my life is holding me back, keeping me stagnant...making me miserable.  I am trying to focus on not spending...everytime I go to buy something I am trying to pause and ask is the more important than getting a new house. I think it is helping. More often than not I am walking out empty handed! Yes there are many accomplishments that must be made before the house is a reality....but the house is a tangible thing I can focus on..it seems more inspiring at the moment than paying off the credit cards. Of course the debt must be paid before we could qualify for another mortgage.

I really want my children to have a better life...than what we have right now. I am purging for them and for me. So far this week I have packed up three huge black trashbags of clothes to get rid of, and have put forty pairs of shoes in a box to give away. It is a start...

However, I am having a hard time with just giving stuff away....I keep thinking I should try to sell stuff and at least get something for it, but at the same time just want it out of the house...does anyone have any thoughts about this?

I am very thankful for those of you that took the time to read my posts and I really value your advice and suggestions and will be looking into every one of them.

The uninspired life....

I am overwhelmed by my situation. The clutter and stuff has become a huge weight on my heart. I feel immobilized by regret and debt. I want to change...I want the stuff to all just go away. Yet I cannot seem to let go. Why can't I find the motivation to fix this, to fix me...I want to be better, I want to be normal.

Fat & Broke! The connection between overspending and overeating?

So I sit here writing this as a formerly skinny person. I was skinny for the first 25 years of my life. And then I stated to gain, and looking back I now realize I was gaining more than weight. This is also the time in my life when I slowly started gaining debt as well. According to recent studies overeating and overspending are related. Both being components of OCD. I have been very unhappy with the weight gain, as it seems like I am no longer who I thought I was, I look in the mirror and don't even recognize the face looking back at me. The debt has now defined me, and I hate that. I feel that people that know look at me differently then before. Like I am less of a person, and the body weight doesn't help. As a former skinny person, I can tell you that people treat me entirely differently now. Not sure what is worse, the negative attention or the total lack of attention ( I have become the invisible lady when shopping). So what was the trigger that changed my life? I am not sure the only event of significance that I can come up with was a traumatic breakup which left me in a spiral of depression for a long time. I eventually seemed to rise up from the depression, but now I wonder what lingering mental issues were left behind, and what do I do now. I do not like what I have become, and want my old self back....I don't want to be fat and broke!

The road to Hell is paved with credit cards....

So it has gotten worse instead of better, or maybe this is just the fallout from my binge but the bills are rolling in. Some how I forgot to schedule payments for two of the credit cards and just realized that they were both past due by 2-3 days. I am feeling very low...the emergency card is actually maxxed out and I didn't even realize it. I  need to cut off my access to paypal and amazon. Both have the credit information saved in them. So they are an easy temptation and computer spending doesn't really feel like spending actual money. It is even more removed from just using a credit card. I must stop....I need help....but I really don't know how to find it. It is a dark time right now...

So no news is bad news....

So my lack of recent posts is a bad thing..I have fallen off the proverbial wagon so to speak and landed myself in a mess of bargain shopping. But I am ready to start anew...

I am in the process of slowing going through my family and my belongings and cleaning house. Selling what may be worth something, and donating all else that is no longer needed here. I have an appointment to consign some clothing. Thought that might be a way to make back some money. I recently sold a ton of things at a children's consignment sale, and made a good amount of money, however I think the burn out from the prep and purging of belongings may have set off my most recent shopping binge. So I need to regroup and figure out how not to rebound from major purging.

Getting rid of my things is HARD....much harder than it should be...plus I have suffered some remorse over letting a few things go..so from now on I am trying to focus on the end Goal more to help justify the process.

The Goal being making the purchase of a new home in the next two years before my oldest starts school. Want our children to be able to attend a great school, which necessitates moving to a better school district and that is more important than anything I might buy. So that will be my major motivation.

The first step is going to remove all spending potential from my wallet with the exception of a limited predetermined amount of cash and then keeping said cash in an envelope with a picture of a house and my goal written on it. This should make me think before spending any cash from that envelope.

The second step is going to be keeping myself busy enough so their is no time to go shopping.

The third will be working on a budget and a meal plan..but more on that in later posts..