Monday, May 16, 2011

I am still here....and trying to be better.

I am still here, just have not had much to say. I am still depressed. I am still unhappy with myself. Unfortunately, family drama has taken over my life for the last few weeks. Luckily I am not really part of it, however I have been called on to pick sides. But that it that.

I am still very down. I seem to do well for a day or two, and then something triggers my tears again. I have decided I really don't like going out any more. I always feel good at the time, but then I see pictures or something and it is all over.

When I was younger (and hence thin) I never had a problem going out and turning heads. I recently went out with some friends and I felt invisible. No one even looked at me, I felt so unattractive and unwanted. It really dashed my self-esteem again. I need to get back to the gym and try to change this. But it is hard. I have been so tired lately. Not sure if it the depression, or the fact that my kids don't sleep well. Or maybe a combination of the two or stress. But it is really taking a toll on me.

There has been some new exciting and promising developments. I can't say much yet. But an opportunity has come about and things seem to be falling place to make it a reality. This could be a turning point, but I don't want to get my hopes up yet. I will let you know. Should have word by the end of the week.

Sorry this post was a bit rambling...but that it how my mind seems right now.