Only the Lonely....

So I have been thinking...even though I am married and have a family...I AM lonely. It is strange when you are surrounded by people who are supposed to love you but in your heart you feel like no one has your back. My children are too young to factor into this...I have their back and I love them unconditionally. But for the rest of my family it is another story. A recent situation resulted in me needing someone to learn on and be there for me..and I was not able to find anyone. The family I reached out to turned me away.

I am not trying to place the blame on anyone for my situation but all I can say is that the people around me tend to add to it instead of help. I moved from the big city back to my hometown a few years back in order to be closer to my family. And now I am questioning that decision ...

I feel like no one really knows me...in fact I may not even know myself anymore. I have gotten so far away from who I was, that I barely recognize the face in the mirror or the life I am living. Things and activities that used to define me as a person are not even part of my daily existence anymore.  How did I lose myself...I don't like the person I have become. This is not me.

It is hard when you love people but do not the like the choices they make or the way they behave. I love my family and spouse but I have found lately that I do not like them.  Did you ever stop and think if these people where not my family would I like them and want to spend time with them? Makes you think doesn't it....

Sorry this post is a little rambling and scattered but that is how my mind is right now. I have reached a breaking point. Things have to change or I may need to change things! I am beyond tears at this point, I am emotionally numb...