It turns out that I am not good a math. Turns out that forgotten income that was lost in January is much more detrimental to our precarious financial state that you would think.The short story is that I forgot that I had some $400 a month coming in from a retainer type agreement for a local bank, I did all they needed as needed when needed for a set rate. I had arranged for this money to go directly toward a credit card bill so there was no chance of spending it and that way I would never miss it. Thus it become "forgotten" unseen money. Well that agreement ended with a change in management in December.
Now fast forward to March, we have been extremely short on money for the last two months, having to dip into reserved tax money and "vacation" money (not really ours given to us by in-laws so we could come visit), and for the life of me I could not figure out what the problem was. I mean, I had worked so hard to cut our expenses, I should have been seeing a difference but in fact we were coming up shorter than ever. As I sat in our bank parking lot on Friday in tears over the fact that my husband had gotten paid the day before and already all the money was completely gone (to bills), I realized I had forgotten about the $400 which had been taking care of one of the credit card bills completely. And then I began to cry harder (thankfully both kids were sleeping in their car seats as I try very hard to never let them see me upset), how am I supposed to come up $400 more a month. I feel like I have been backed into a corner, I am going to have no choice but to at least go back to work part-time, otherwise we are just going to keep drowning.
I feel like I have completely failed my family and myself.
And to top in off, in the mail I noticed a letter from my husband's student loan servicer (he never opens his mail) so I opened it and found that his loan had come out of deferment and they now would like $798 and by the way this is already past due 45 days.
I am so overwhelmed, I do not even know what to do. Bankruptcy really wouldn't even help that must as the majority of our debt is student loans which would not be forgiven. I just want to run away or wake up from this nightmare.
How is it that two people with advanced degrees have ended up in such a mess.
I am more sorry than I can say. Your pain is evident. There are no words I can share that will make you feel better or make this situation go away.
ReplyDeleteIt's going to take a while for things to even out, and if you're anything like me, you are berating yourself over every latte you've purchased, over every new blouse that put a smile on your face. You have to let that go (if you find this is too hard to do, see if you can find a therapist to help you through the guilt).
You and your husband are clearly intelligent people, and you will find a way to make it work. If bills don't get paid, then they don't get paid. Feed your family, give them the necessities and maybe a bit extra and worry about the rest as your finances allow. If I'm not mistaken, the worst thing that can happen with student loans is that they'll take your IRS refund each year, and if that's true, that's really not so bad. You can then let that pain and guilt go for a while.
My parents-in-law filed bankruptcy a year ago, and at that time I found out that they hadn't paid the taxes on their house for a few years but had been paying on a reposessed truck. The truck was gone, so in their limited financial situation it made no sense to try and pay for something that was already gone. They needed a home to live in, so paying the taxes should have been a top priority. Anyhow, I learned from this that sometimes we focus on the wrong things, through no fault of our own, we just do.
I am rooting for you and your family, and I hope you find the mental, emotional and financial relief you need very soon.