The road to Hell is paved with credit cards....

So it has gotten worse instead of better, or maybe this is just the fallout from my binge but the bills are rolling in. Some how I forgot to schedule payments for two of the credit cards and just realized that they were both past due by 2-3 days. I am feeling very low...the emergency card is actually maxxed out and I didn't even realize it. I  need to cut off my access to paypal and amazon. Both have the credit information saved in them. So they are an easy temptation and computer spending doesn't really feel like spending actual money. It is even more removed from just using a credit card. I must stop....I need help....but I really don't know how to find it. It is a dark time right now...

How does the money go so fast...

So we are out of money again. It seems like it evaporates so quickly. I have to reign in our spending, my spending. Even though the credit cards are gone, I forgot about paypal, and that all the information is stored there. So I spent a little... but in a grasp at redemption I also made a charitable donation. It doesn't right my wrongs but if I spent for others it is better than spending for myself, or at least that is what I tell myself.

So I am having a pity party today. I am feeling bad that I got myself into this situation. I feel bad that I feel powerless to fix it. I feel bad that my children may suffer for my irresponsible addiction.  I feel bad.....