Disappointing....isn't it!

I am a disappointment.

It seems that no matter what I do, where I go, what I choose I end up disappointing someone.

My weight issue is a disappointment to several members of my family, as I used to be so thin and pretty.

My choice to give up my career as an attorney to stay at home with my children is disappointing to my family as I am wasting my education.

My financial problems are disappointing to myself as well as those around me, as "I really should have it together by now"

My clutter and buying obsession is a disappointment to those around me (as well as myself) as I should be able to "just stop and get rid of stuff".

I was supposed to be thinner, I was supposed to be prettier, I was supposed to super career woman, I was supposed to be financially secure, I was supposed to be domestic and neat, I was supposed to be normal.

But it appears I am none of those things.....I am just a huge disappointment.

Pictures Don't Lie..

So I saw a picture taken of me over the weekend wearing my favorite green a-line coat and was shocked. I looked liked a walking green house! So I reluctantly got on the scale..OMG!  I am 70 lbs heavier than I should be. I am not a tall girl either. I am only 5"1' so this is a problem. So since I am tackling all the other excess in my life on this blog I am going to add in this weight issue too. So check out the side column for my weigh-in tally and other useful info. So here it goes...healthier life here I come!

Fat & Broke! The connection between overspending and overeating?

So I sit here writing this as a formerly skinny person. I was skinny for the first 25 years of my life. And then I stated to gain, and looking back I now realize I was gaining more than weight. This is also the time in my life when I slowly started gaining debt as well. According to recent studies overeating and overspending are related. Both being components of OCD. I have been very unhappy with the weight gain, as it seems like I am no longer who I thought I was, I look in the mirror and don't even recognize the face looking back at me. The debt has now defined me, and I hate that. I feel that people that know look at me differently then before. Like I am less of a person, and the body weight doesn't help. As a former skinny person, I can tell you that people treat me entirely differently now. Not sure what is worse, the negative attention or the total lack of attention ( I have become the invisible lady when shopping). So what was the trigger that changed my life? I am not sure the only event of significance that I can come up with was a traumatic breakup which left me in a spiral of depression for a long time. I eventually seemed to rise up from the depression, but now I wonder what lingering mental issues were left behind, and what do I do now. I do not like what I have become, and want my old self back....I don't want to be fat and broke!